Always...

I feel myself always pondering whats next? I still can't get it thru my head that I may never know what's next. As this year is coming to a close I find myself pondering what I want for my life. I'll be 30 next year. Thought that day was so far away but it has definitely got here quicker than I wanted it to. No longer will I get to brag about being in my 20's! My kids are all getting older. Michael will be 10. I just can't believe that! They grow up entirely too quickly! Caitlyn will follow shortly after turning 2 (terrible 2's already showing it's ugly head) and then Matthew will be 9 (1/2 way to adult age).

I want to always be there for my kids and give them the best life that I can. I want to give them what I didn't have. Sometimes, some things are out of our control....but I try :) People say my kids are spoiled and it always takes me aback but in reality they are. Now, they aren't spoiled rotten but I do tend to overcompensate for not having them with me all the time (my boys) and then Caitlyn for not having her dad. I'm her only parent and I know how that is on a little girl. I grew up that way. I don't want her to grow up craving male attention because she missed out on it when she was younger. One day (prayerfully) God will put a true father figure in her life. Right now at least she has God-fearing male role models (thank you Steve and Jon!).