Trials and tribulations of life

Life is an interesting series of twists and turns.  It's a rollercoaster of emotions that you work so hard to understand and control. Yesterday I felt as if my whole world would crumble in a mere moment....on the verge of tears. Today I feel more like myself....hopeful and blessed. Not to say that all of a sudden life got easy...quite the opposite actually.  I am working on being a better parent and teaching my daughter to obey me right away.  With a strong willed child that is a constant full time endeavor.  But I've prayed a lot today and am working on solutions so that gives me hope. Being a single parent is hard. But it's a blessing and a prevlelige to be her mother. 

I want a fast forward button

If ever there was a time I wanted time to go by fast it's now. I am so excited for the future and every day I'm more convinced that this is what God wants for me. I have never in my life felt so loved secure and honestly...emotionally healthy. Sure I still have moments of hormonal craziness but all in all I'm really as happy as I can be until I can have him be a permanent fixture in my life. I just know in my heart that this is where God wants me to be. And all of this is in Gods perfect timing. Sure I've loved him since I was 18 but the level of love and adoration I feel for him now is so much more pure and mature and real. We both had to grow up and as much as I hate not having all these years with the right person I do know God was teaching us both life lessons so that we could be perfect together. That's what I choose to believe at least :)

Serenity

I have been doing a lot of self reflection lately and have come to the conclusion that I am exactly where God wants me. I have a sense of peace because of that.  I also understand that life can steal that away from me in time. But for now I will embrace it.

Throughout the years I have learned a lot about myself. Not the outside but my soul. I love the person God is allowing me to be. I have learned how to have healthy relationships and have what I consider to be healthy boundaries.  I know i am no where near figuring it all out but still shocks me to see where I came from to where I am now. I can say without a doubt that the person I am is of God's doing. I didn't have a role model worth following growing up. The direction my life has gone has been hard...nothing handed to me. A lot of pain and abuse and as much as i hated going thru it all...I wouldn't change a thing. Every thing I have gone thru has made me who I am. Every trial and tribulation has made me stronger in the end.

I am blessed. I know this. I feel this. I also know the material things of life can be gone tomorrow. That's not what life is about. I haven't forgot where I came from and anything I've gone thru. Going thru hell makes you appreciate the good on a new level. You don't take it for granted...you cherish it. You realize life is too short to not be loved and enjoyed.

I value the things that money can't buy. Who a person is...the connections that you share...the times you enjoy together no matter how trivial seem so amazing. I believe in my heart that is how God intended it. I am beyond blessed that God is allowing me just to experience it even once. I never want to lose this feeling.

The love that I'm currently experiencing is completely amazing and I never knew it really existed. I've settled for so much less for such a long time. I pray this for my children...for anyone really. It's so right...it's so fulfilling and healthy. It's the way I guess it's supposed to be and I wasted so much of my life being miserable with the wrong people. So makes me appreciate what i have now. I've never had such a deep connection with someone...someone that I love and adore completely. There is open communication that we both thrive on. There is an attraction i have yet to see surpassed.  His touch...his kiss...everything about him is beyond amazing. He's not perfect and neither am i and never want us to be. I love how he challenges me. I love how controlling he can be (in a healthy way). I even love when he's an ass hole because that is who he is and I honestly love every part of who he is.

I continue to be amazed at what God does in my life. I have a sense of serenity knowing God is in control. I have faith that everything will work out. For now I will continue to move forward and embrace the ever encompassing euphoric feelings that God has allowed me to experience. I am so grateful and humble to have everything in my life and I'm no where near done. I thank God daily for bringing him back into my life.