Blessed

Well, at least this time I didn't wait 3 years to update on my life. I'm glad I remembered I have a blog as I was just talking the other day about missing writing. Writing helps me express how I feel and I love going back and reflecting on what I said and how I felt in the past and compare it to where I am now.

God has truly blessed me in amazing ways that I could never have envisioned for my life. I love that I put my faith in him and he shines so bright in my life now...always showing me the way. I have a wonderful career that I have been in for 15 years now and am able to provide for my children on a level that was never afforded to me before. I love the person I have become. Thru trials and tribulations and making many mistakes (still do honestly) I really see who I am and I love myself. I'm a good person with a good heart. I'm far from perfect and I will never strive to be...but I will always and forever strive to improve myself. I am so lost in life without goals and ambitions. I tend to fall into a depression and then have to pull myself out of.

Can you believe that Michael is 14, Matthew 13, and Caitlyn 6. Gosh they grow up so fast. I am sooo proud of who they are growing up to me. Its wonderful to see all your hardwork in raising them pay off. Its a wave of accomplishment seeing what you made. They make me so happy to me their mother. I LOVE being mom...I love kids period. They are such a blessing and they may try your patience but they bring so much joy.

Caitlyn definitely needs a father though. One that will be there for her and me. The way it's supposed to be. I want to get remarried and live God's way. I can only imagine all the blessings he will provide us living the way he intended. Lord knows I've done enough of living the wrong way and he has always provided more than I deserved.

Speaking of me...I finally, after 34 years, know exactly what I want and need in my life. Normally that would be a sigh of relief but time will tell if what I want matches up to what God has planned for me. I pray about it often as I do with every big decision in my life. I crave being happy and content and honestly I believe I have earned it...earned being loved the way I love...sigh...time will tell.

I also have a plan for my future....to help provide even more for my children. I refuse to peak at 34. I'm still young enough to learn and grow and excell further in life and I have the determination to do just that.

I am excited to see what God has planned for my future. If it's anything as wonderful as what I have pictured....I truly am blessed. But knowing God he will out due anything I can even fathom and that is very exciting!!