Life is full of adventures. Even though my life is busy and somewhat crazy I wouldn't trade it for the world. I may complain of pure exhaustion or frustration but I am so blessed for everything God has put in my life from the rough moments to the good ones. The rough ones especially have helped me become who I am. I am sitting here typing this feeling sicker and sicker every moment but pushing thru because I know I can and God is on my side! My kids may frustrate me but I LOVE having them with me. I LOVE being mom. This balancing act I call life right now is crazy but in a way fun. I rather live like this...on Gods terms, then the way I lived before. My thoughts are drawn to him but not in missing him or what that life was but the fantasy of what I was trying to accomplish and that my daughter only has me. I look at her and can't help but think of all that he is missing but so grateful that I'm here to enjoy every moment of it from the kisses, hugs, to the dancing at anything with a beat lol. She is truely my sunshine. All of my kids are really! My boys are so sweet...at times. Matthew has been helping me a few nights by giving his sister a bath while I clean without me even having to ask. Michael will circulate laundry for me without having to remind him (sometimes). They both have such a good heart and I am so blessed that God gave them to me.
Tomorrow I start my new part time job at O'Briens on the boardwalk. It's 2-3 shifts a week as a server. I went and applied for my ABO license and got a temp one for now. I have never been a server and I am a little nervous about it. I think I have the personality for it. I am def a people person. I love interacting with people. I need the money to help take care of the kids and I want to keep the boys after this summer so doing what I have to do. I'm so grateful for the friends and practically family that are willing to help me out so I can do this. I just can't tell you how blessed I feel. I know God's hands are on me and my family and without him truly NOTHING is possible.
In less than 2 weeks I turn 30 and in 2 weeks Michael turns 10. We are all growing up. I'd say we were growing up fast but sadly I think it's taken me longer to get to this point than it should have lol. I had to hit my head on that same brick wall for over 5 yrs before I FINALLY realized that my kids and I deserve so much more....God wants more for us and I didn't have to live in pain and torment. God helps me every day deal with everything that I've endured throughout the years. I'm very grateful that he pulled me thru it mostly intact...both physically and mentally.
So....overall, about to start a new adventure in life, both with starting life in my 30's and starting a new part time job....and everything else God is doing in my life! God Bless!!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
So that explains it!
Dating a sociopath is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do in your life. These people are masters at lying and manipulation, yet unable to love anyone except themselves. They can con you out of everything you own and leave you feeling like somehow you’re at fault. They’re also more likely to cheat and prone to physical violence.Learn that you’ll never be first in their life. A sociopath often feels like the world owes them certain things and that can include other people. A person with sociopath tendencies may feel that they’re allowed to cheat and that it isn’t wrong because they think they deserve to be with as many people as they want.
Establish boundaries when it comes to lying and consequences for their lies. A person who is a sociopath often lies about everything and even begins to believe their own lies. They may be incapable of telling the truth and think there’s nothing wrong with the lie. You need to learn when the person is lying by listening to their stories closely.
Roll with the punches. Sociopaths are highly manipulative and can be downright glib when it comes to your feelings. They may miss dates, treat you rudely and be ugly towards your friends. Even if you try to explain your feelings and thoughts, they may not care. The only thing you can do is roll with the punches and not take things too seriously.
Realize that even if the individual says, “I love you” they more than likely don’t mean it. One of the defining characteristics of a sociopath is that they cannot love another person. However because they’re so manipulative, they can make you think they feel one way. If the person you’re dating is a sociopath though, they can’t love you.
Accept that the most you’ll ever be to the person is a victim, not a friend, confidant or significant other. Sociopaths are master manipulators who are incapable of loving someone. He or she may talk you out of a large sum of money, be verbally abusive and even be physically abusive. They may apologize for their actions, but they don’t mean it.
This sadly describes my ex boyfriend to a T. If I only would have known then what I know now....well, that's not entirely true. Everything that I have gone thru has been very hard and has (and continues to) hurt but if I hadn't gone thru it I wouldn't be at the point in my life that I am. I'm sooo far from perfect or having it figured out but I'm taking the journey, one step at at a time. And if I hadn't gone thru it I wouldn't have my daughter, Caitlyn. She is my sunshine. I know I would not be able to go down the road I'm on without her. I know I'd fall much further then God allowed me to fall already but she makes me remember that she needs me and it's not about me anymore. All of my kids do that. They need me. They don't need me chasing after the temporary pleasures of the world. They need me seeking God and showing them a good example of how to live.
How I've lived and what I've gone thru will (and has) will be a great testimony and God will allow that to help someone else. Maybe that's why I feel such a pull to get my psychology degree. Even though I have no plans set in stone on what I'd do with it I want the door to be open. I'd love to be a counselor in the church like they do at Broadmoor. I think that is such a blessing and I know how much it has helped me. I want to give back and help others.
Establish boundaries when it comes to lying and consequences for their lies. A person who is a sociopath often lies about everything and even begins to believe their own lies. They may be incapable of telling the truth and think there’s nothing wrong with the lie. You need to learn when the person is lying by listening to their stories closely.
Roll with the punches. Sociopaths are highly manipulative and can be downright glib when it comes to your feelings. They may miss dates, treat you rudely and be ugly towards your friends. Even if you try to explain your feelings and thoughts, they may not care. The only thing you can do is roll with the punches and not take things too seriously.
Realize that even if the individual says, “I love you” they more than likely don’t mean it. One of the defining characteristics of a sociopath is that they cannot love another person. However because they’re so manipulative, they can make you think they feel one way. If the person you’re dating is a sociopath though, they can’t love you.
Accept that the most you’ll ever be to the person is a victim, not a friend, confidant or significant other. Sociopaths are master manipulators who are incapable of loving someone. He or she may talk you out of a large sum of money, be verbally abusive and even be physically abusive. They may apologize for their actions, but they don’t mean it.
This sadly describes my ex boyfriend to a T. If I only would have known then what I know now....well, that's not entirely true. Everything that I have gone thru has been very hard and has (and continues to) hurt but if I hadn't gone thru it I wouldn't be at the point in my life that I am. I'm sooo far from perfect or having it figured out but I'm taking the journey, one step at at a time. And if I hadn't gone thru it I wouldn't have my daughter, Caitlyn. She is my sunshine. I know I would not be able to go down the road I'm on without her. I know I'd fall much further then God allowed me to fall already but she makes me remember that she needs me and it's not about me anymore. All of my kids do that. They need me. They don't need me chasing after the temporary pleasures of the world. They need me seeking God and showing them a good example of how to live.
How I've lived and what I've gone thru will (and has) will be a great testimony and God will allow that to help someone else. Maybe that's why I feel such a pull to get my psychology degree. Even though I have no plans set in stone on what I'd do with it I want the door to be open. I'd love to be a counselor in the church like they do at Broadmoor. I think that is such a blessing and I know how much it has helped me. I want to give back and help others.
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